I see you, 30. You just stay the hell away from me!

*thwack* Did you hear that? You turned around to see what it was, didn't you? That, my tiny, computer dwelling friend, is the sound of me slamming, full force, into the Wall of 2010, also known as The Year I Turn 30. I can't believe it's here. I think I am having a pre-mid life crisis (I reeeeaaaaally don't want to know if this is truly the middle of my life...I have great plans for 80. If things are going to stop at 60, I'm going to bury my head in our dirt-colored carpet. So we're going with pre-mid life crisis here, ok?) I keep having flashbacks of my senior year of high school. I had so many PLANS! I was going to travel the world, get a kick-ass job with a super high income and a corner office (instead, I'm a cubicle-dwelling hairless mole. Well, not hairless, and maybe not a mole. Muskrat? Meerkat? Some kind of obscure rodent, thats for damn sure). Luckily, some of the things I had in mind didn't turn out the way I'd planned (insert a big shout-out to the Huz here!) like the 8 kids I wanted-all with "unique" names like Afrika and Venus...ugh. I was/am a prime example as to why most 18 year olds shouldn't be allowed to have children. Afrika? Really? (Doesn't that "k" just give it that extra little ZING?) Anywho, on to 20....I mean, 30. Yeah. 30. Yaaaay. The Huz was excited about turning 30. He kept telling people "This is going to be MY decade. I'm going to OWN my 30's." Me? I want to return mine, and I haven't even received them yet. Let's just call it buyers remorse. Maybe it won't really be as bad as I'm thinking. It's not like the calendar is going to know that the big 3-0 is waiting for me at the end of April, and try to make everything just that much harder for me as a "gift". I'm not sure a year could BE more difficult than 2009, aka Laurel's 29th Year of Existence. It was a rough, rough year at the Formerly Known As house. Lyla was born with a broken heart in February, the Huz's dad died in June, Lyla had open heart surgery in July, the Huz's grandma died in December, and pretty much every month was plagued by a general sense of "don't answer the phone - we can't handle any more". Wouldn't it be great if January 1st actually had some kind of cosmic/kharmic significance, rather than just being a National Hangover Day? Not that I drink anymore. I am pretty much the most boring 29 year old you'll ever meet (yup, I'm using those magical numbers until the last possible second.) But lets just pretend for a second that I woke up 5 days ago with a wicked headache and no idea how I ended up sleeping in the neighbor's garage. Hey, so, while we're pretending here, can we pretend that I live somewhere other than the ghetto? Seriously. I spent New Years Eve counting gun shots instead of sheep while trying to fall asleep (AFTER MIDNIGHT, I'll add - boo yah!) Canoga Park, how I loathe you.

Aaaanywaaaaaays......so, it's been a while, huh? Did you think I'd forgotten my blogging duties? I didn't. I knew you were there, waiting in the shadows for me to come back. I just, well, didn't. I don't know why. I like you, blog, I really do! It's just that I needed some time to process everything we'd been through, and to evaluate my role in this relationship we have. But, I'm back, and I'm here to stay.

Some interesting things to keep in mind these next few weeks:
-Lyla will be 1 on February 19th. I am having a harder time believing this than I am believing that 30 is lurking at the end of April. Can we all just agree that the numbers 1 and 30 are evil, neer-do-well numbers that shall never be mentioned again? Ok? ok. Moving on.
-The Huz and I have each embarked on our own "Quest for Less of Us". Yep, we've started diets. We let last year become an excuse not to pay attention to our giant-ass bodies (ok, who am I kidding - I've used the last 29 years as an excuse to look the other way). But now, with things hovering on the horizon of the summer of 2010 that shall remain nameless for now, and a fabulous wedding to attend in September, we can no longer avoid the mirror, the scale, or the damn treadmill and Bowflex machines taking up precious real estate in my house! Stupid infomercial. Grrrr.
-My sister is getting married (hence the September wedding plug mentioned above). Yep - I had ZERO urge to get rid of my wiggly bits for my own wedding, but my sisters? I'm stressing out about fitting into my dress already, and its only January! Not sure how that works, but there it is.

Right, well, thats about all I've got for today. Not the greatest come back you've ever seen, I know. But give me a break. It's hard to move these sausage-like fingers over the keys these days. Say, do you think there is a "type your way thin" exercise DVD out there? Hmmm. I should google it. Ciao for now!